Home!

I've been home for two and a half weeks now, but still haven't blogged about it.

I'm sorry blog world.

Hugs and Smiles and Poopy Diapers

Yesterday marked two weeks until I'm in Texas, sweet Texas. 


It was a weird feeling not being with my family for Thanksgiving, but I had an enjoyable day with a group of CAM missionaries who get together every year for Thanksgiving. I had my fair share of turkey, yummy casseroles, and of course, pumpkin pie. After lunch, we sang hymns, talked about what the Lord has done that we're thankful for, and prayed together. As I looked around at all the couples (mostly grandparents who have been here for forty something years), I couldn't help but think how their families back in the States must miss them on days like Thanksgiving. 


Anyway, as excited as I am to be back to all the things I miss about home (my family, my friends, my church, my independence, my comfy bed, Whole Foods, Chuy's, frozen yogurt, speaking English...just to name a few), I'm also really going to miss this place. 


Honestly, I have struggled at times with seeing working at Casita Benjamin as "ministry," (quotes=don't get me started on functional definitions of words) but the Lord is slowly changing my perspective. No, working at a daycare where I get there after the kids and leave before them and never see their parents or hear their stories is not what immediately pops into my head when I think "mission trip," and no, I don't always feel like they necessarily need my help, but He has blessed me with an opportunity to love on His little ones here at the Casita. No, I won't come back with stories of life change that I've seen in one-year-olds, but I'm learning that serving doesn't have to be (and shouldn't be) about seeing results. Serving with the little ones may not look like sharing my testimony and having long talks about the Gospel. It may just be giving lots of hugs and smiles and changing lots of poopy diapers, and that's okay. They can't even tell me they're thankful for me, and maybe that's just what the Lord had in mind for this mess of a girl who struggles with the idol of fear of man and being a people pleaser. Oh, how the Lord's purposes are always so much bigger than mine!


Anyway, I started making a mental list of the things I'm going to miss about these little ones today....


I'm going to miss Josue always pulling on my arm and saying, "hacer bish, hacer bish," as in: "Take me to the bathroom now, or I'm going to make a puddle."


I'm going to miss Darlin getting my attention by whispering "chhh chhh chhh" and then waving at me and smiling sweetly. 


I'm going to miss telling Honey not to put her hands in her pants (and then her mouth..."chish!") and seeing her stand up for herself with a vehement "NO!" I think she wins the sassafrass award, Elizabeth.


I'm going to miss Nico and Diego's mischievous double-troubleness. 


I'm going to miss Sergio's sweet smile and big, brown eyes.


I'm going to miss how Cindy always leans out of her crib with her lips already puckered to give me a kiss on my cheek when I leave in the afternoons. 


I'm going to miss Vivi's lovey-dovey personality and how she always wants to give hugs and sit in my lap.


I'm going to miss Adriana's round belly and how she waddles and totters around so innocently. 


On the other hand, I probably won't miss sneaking around with my Clorox wipes so as to not offend anyone about my opposition to uncleanliness...nope, haven't gotten over that one yet. 

¿Entiendes la palabra NO?

After a week in the sala cuna, I wish I had a quetzal for every time I've said, 
"No!" 
"No lo hagas eso!" 
And, through clenched teeth, "¿Entiendes la palabra NO?"


Typically, it's met with a sly smile, a laugh, and a continuation of whatever was being done before the one-sided conversation occurred. What do I expect working with one and two-year-olds? 


If you ever need a reminder that we are born enemies of God and in need of a Savior, spend some time with kids who can barely talk but sure know how to disobey. 


Psalm 51:5 - Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity, and in sin did my mother conceive me.
Genesis 8:21 - the Lord said in his heart, “I will never again curse the ground because of man, for the intention of man’s heart is evil from his youth."
Psalm 58:3 - The wicked are estranged from the womb; they go astray from birth, speaking lies.


As my mom used to say when my sisters were little, "It's a good thing they're cute!" 


For your viewing pleasure....


After standing up many times after being instructed to sit and patiently wait for lunch, Nicolas was tied to his chair. 

Sergio and Honey just couldn't fight the temptation to play tug of war with their table.

And Diego decided to finger paint with his beans...

I'm also learning a lot about not being in control and not acting I know what's best. Truly, truly, I say to you, the sala cuna is a germ freak's worst nightmare. I'm not even a germ freak. I would call myself germ conscious. As in, when I have babies, I will certainly freak out when they want to crawl across the airport floor. 


Germ Observations:
*Going potty outside in bowls
*Drinking bottles while going potty outside in bowls
*Using the same towel to wipe all nine faces
*Using the same tissue to wipe all nine noses
*Lack of Purell by the changing table 
*Toys that aren't disinfected regularly, but are regularly slobbered on
*Runny noses. Raspy coughs. In my face. 


I just keep thinking about how grateful I am that I'm currently on antibiotics because I already got sick at the Casita my first week. Not sure if that really blocks any new illnesses, but I sure like to think it does. It enables me to hold back from gagging when some little friend wipes their boogies on my shirt. 

Streams in the Desert

"Go inside and shut the door behind you and your sons."
2 Kings 4:4

The widow and her two sons were to be alone with God. They were not dealing with the laws of nature, human government, the church, or the priesthood. Nor were they even dealing with God's great prophet, Elisha. They had to be isolated from everyone, separated from human reasoning, and removed from the natural tendencies to prejudge their circumstance. They were to be as cast into the vast expanse of starry space, depending on God alone--in touch with the Source of miracles.
This is an ingredient in God's plan of dealing with us. We are to enter a secret chamber of isolation in prayer and faith that is very fruitful. At certain times and places, God will build a mysterious wall around us. He will take away all supports we customarily lean upon, and will remove our ordinary ways of doing things. God will close us off to something divine, completely new and unexpected, and that cannot be understood by examining our previous circumstances. We will be in a place where we do not know what is happening, where God is cutting the cloth of our lives by a new pattern, and thus where He causes us to look to Him.
Most Christians lead a treadmill life--a life in which they can predict almost everything that will come their way. But the souls that God leads into unpredictable and special situations are isolated by Him. All they know is that God is holding them and that He is dealing in their lives. Then their expectations come from Him alone.
Like this widow, we must be detached from outward things and attached inwardly to the Lord alone in order to see His wonders.
It is through the most difficult trials that God often brings the sweetest discoveries of Himself. 
-Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman


When I read Streams in the Desert for the first time, this passage really stood out to me. I had a feeling that someday I might know what it was talking about. It has been saved for me in the "favorite quotes" section of my Facebook profile and I just noticed it tonight. After rereading it, my prayer is that the Lord would use my feelings of isolation to cause me to look more like Himself, and that "the Lord (would) direct (my) heart to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ." (2 Thessalonians 3:5)

Party at the Cemetery

Because I'm a semi-perfectionist by nature, I really don't like that things are getting out of order here on my blog, but there are some things that really just need to be documented before I forget. 


One of those things is the day I went to a huge party in a cemetery.


Yes. You heard me right.


Here in Guatemala, November 1st is a big day. People had been talking about November 1st since I got here on September 1st. However, all I knew was that you fly kites on that day. Naturally, I started referring to it as "kite day" or "dia de los barriletes." Later, I found out that it is actually called All Saints Day....also, Day of the Dead. The reason they fly kites is the tradition that you can send messages to your dead loved ones via big, beautiful kites.


There was a short-term team from Chicago at The Oasis and they were headed out to Santiago Sacatepequez for the kite festival, so I decided to join for the sake of a cultural experience. 

And a cultural experience, it was. 


When I heard "kite festival at the cemetery," although the idea sounded a little strange, I was picturing something pretty laid back...a few people, some small kites, and a somber atmosphere (considering it would be in the cemetery). Well, I was way off.


The streets of Santiago were brimming with people, all walking toward the town cemetery. When we got to the cemetery, there were people sitting on all the above-ground tombs. A lot of people were drinking beer. People were trampling the graves on the ground. There were vendors selling ice cream and cotton candy and little boys yelling "Agua aqui! Agua aqui!" And kites were everywhere. All in a cemetery. 


I just kept thinking (as I was trying to avoid stepping on the graves), 


"What happened to wanting to honor the dead?"

There were about 5 really huge kites that weren't built to be flown. There's some kind of a contest were groups of people get together and construct kites. I'm not sure what the prize was or anything, but their work was pretty amazing.

I took this picture after this huge kite took a nose-dive about three feet from me. Not sure what the outcome would have been had it been any closer!

Bulk Potty Training

This is my second week at Casita Benjamin, a Christian day care center in Zone 3 of Guatemala City. All the kids are so precious and sweet. 

Today was my first day to venture into the baby room. For those of you who know me well (or even know me a little), you know this is where I have belonged all along.

There are nine kids between the ages of one and two years. Oh yes, that's potty training age. 

So, how do you potty train nine kids who are in day care all day? 

Well, in Guatemala, you take them outside, sit them on bowls.....

and wait until they do their business. 

Then, with no success after about thirty minutes, you hand out bottles to speed up the process. 

Just had to share. :) 

Wherever I am, I'm still me.

News flash: When you get on a plane to head for another country, your "issues," the yucky things God has been slowly revealing to you about yourself, definitely do not wave good bye to you at the gate. It's not that easy. Oh no, they squeeze their dirty selves into your suitcase to jump out when you least expect them. 


I don't know why I have been surprised to see my problems and sin patterns follow me. Wherever I am, I'm still me. I'm still completely in need of God's grace and Jesus' finished work on the cross. Oh, but sanctification is such a slow process and I am so good at rejecting truth. I haven't been letting the Lord work on my yuckiness like I should be. My priorities have been off. I'm disappointed in the way that I have spent a lot of my time here. Surprise, surprise! It's a good reminder to me that I can never live up to my expectations of myself.

I officially have completed 75% of my time here. 75 days down. 25 to go. For most of my time here, I've told people, "No, I don't miss home that much. I don't know if I'll be ready to go back when it's time." In the back of my mind, I've been wondering if the warm fuzzies about Guatemala would linger. 

Well, it's happened. Like a light bulb in my head went off yesterday morning, I realized all of a sudden that I really miss home. I really miss (North)America. I really miss Texas. I really miss Austin. I really miss College Station. I really miss my mommy and my daddy and my sisters and my roomies. I miss my church. I miss community (I NEED community!). I miss hearing sermons and singing songs in English. Oh man, the rose-colored glasses I've been wearing have fallen off my face. Guatemala all of a sudden looks a little different to me. 


I'm now working at Casita Benjamin and staying at Seteca, the seminary. Being alone here at the seminary may have something to do with my readiness to be back at home. However, God has already been using it to teach me a lot and for that I am very thankful. It is still a daily battle to let Gospel truths change me.  

I just have to remind myself of why I'm here. I am here to serve the Lord, be immersed in another culture and language, learn more about missions, and grow in the Lord in the process. Yes, I will feel alone. Yes, it will be hard. But if I cannot go to the Lord in loneliness, when can I go to the Lord? I have been rejecting Gospel truths. Psalm 32:1 says, “Blessed is the man whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered.” Do I live a blessed life of forgiveness? Why do I not consider myself like this? I need to let the Lord be the one I go to for all feelings of fulfillment. He has more to teach me here in Guatemala. I need to let him.

Please be praying that God will continue to teach me and grow me through this process and that God would use this broken vessel to bless the people here and, above all, glorify Himself.